The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
