that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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