Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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