6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
