Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
