I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
