Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
