Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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