if only i could text you this smell
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
