just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize