We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
