I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He shit in the fireplace
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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