You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
