bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
