dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
