I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
