My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
