he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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