I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's blow job season.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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