he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm passing your future prison.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There r osticjed everywhere
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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