you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
