May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
