I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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