she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
