Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
