the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
