last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
