The maid of honor just puked.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
