I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize