he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
