Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As shirtless as possible
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
