i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
