dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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