he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
