i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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