three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
