I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize