He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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