His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
