I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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