I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
