Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
