Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
