"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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