I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
