I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
