They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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