singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
