just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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