So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
