He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
