my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
