Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
