Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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