I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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