You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
