It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize