that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
