is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
