Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
