I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize
