I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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