Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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