nut hugger
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
