Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
