Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
