we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
