When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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