Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
