Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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